Archaic Rituals

Been there, done that, here’s how I stopped the cycle of toxic relationships:

Back in the early 2000’s, when an OG and I broke up, which was by far the most toxic relationship I have EVER had, I jumped out of his moving car off the highway, he held a knives to my throat, and we’d often fight like we were in damn UFC.. with closed punches. But when we split:

I NEVER talked shit about him, didn’t air his flaws, didn’t question his manhood, not because he could’ve murked me, but because honestly neither one of us knew love, or how to accept, appreciate and reciprocate love, or even respect for others.

In fact, I had to hold myself responsible for the role I played in that, because relationships require 2 consenting individuals, not 1. Truthfully, the health of our relationship wasn’t on 1 of us, it was on both of us. We both had unresolved traumas, neither of us knew what a healthy relationship was, never had one, and never had a real life example of one.

So, after hearing some harsh truths from a dear friend, I started working on acknowledging and healing in me what made me believe I didn’t deserve better, or that I couldn’t do better, or what made me feel like I needed to force love where it didn’t fit.

With time, I learned what healthy relationships were, and realized I needed to work on me, especially if I wanted to have one in my future, especially with me being a single mom.

It wasn’t til after 8 years of single motherhood, and working my ass off to build a new me and life, only for it to be tragically turned upside down, forcing me into a 2 years + journey of complex trauma and grief healing for me to even entertain the idea of a relationship again.

But when I finally opened up to a man in 2022, we both made sure to put all our cards on the table, we spoke of the ugliest to the most beautiful truths of our lives, our goals, hopes and wildest dreams, lessons learned, our beliefs and boundaries. We married 3 months after meeting, on the Winter Solstice of 2022, and are still going strong today.

None of this was by chance or luck, all that we go through is genuinely of our own creation. Our words, thoughts, actions and beliefs play a huge role in the creation of our current reality.

When we stop making excuses and start consciously choosing to heal and expand, grow and do better, the universe gifts us with the opportunity to do just that.

Stop working against yourself, you are your biggest enemy and it’s time you step out of your own way and start living a life full of joy, love and expansion.

with Love & Grace